Is Self-Care Narcissistic?

What comes to mind when you hear the words “self-care?” Many people picture luxurious day spas, facials and pedicures. No wonder the term gets a bad reputation. You might even harbor a secret (or not-so-secret) belief that those who regularly indulge in self-care are a bit narcissistic. 

The purpose of this article is to convince you that nothing could be further from the truth. 

Self-care cuts across all socioeconomic levels — no country club dues necessary. Regular self-care is a must in a status-obsessed society where people care all about what you do and what you have but not who you are. Some, more mindful forms of it can even act as “narcissism preventative medicine,” both helping you avoid becoming entangled with unsavory folks or developing such behaviors yourself in your quest to “get ahead,” or, let’s be honest, stay afloat. 

No, self-care is not narcissistic. And more of it may be just the medicine this narcissistic society needs. 

What Is Self-Care, Anyway? 

You can book a spa treatment, declare an official “self-care” day, and no one will argue with your terminology. However, if you’re anything like me, even that indulgence won’t do diddly squat to improve your overall health if you worry the splurge will leave you short on rent. The fear of “can I truly afford to be doing this,” eats away at the curative properties of your treatment until you’re left with nothing but a slight relief in soreness and a side order of guilt. 

While a spa treatment can be self-care, real self-care goes deeper — without making you feel guilty. 

Self-care is, at its heart, taking the time to recognize that you are a unique human being with needs that matter each and every day. It’s saying, “I have a lot to offer, and because I have a lot to offer, I am worthy of doing what I need to do for me to perform at my best.” It’s taking the words “I am enough,” and giving them meaning. 

You can be a self-care guru without ever stepping foot inside a day spa. Self-care includes: 



• Taking a few moments to mindfully plan your meals for flavor, balance and nutrition instead of simply shoving whatever cheap, sugar-and-white-flour-laden, empty-calorie treat you can shove into your piehole in between keystrokes. 
• Getting up five minutes earlier, not to grumble at your to-do list as you hit snooze with a frown but to give thanks for another day amid the miracle of life, cuddle your partner or pet, focus your thoughts on those things for which you are truly grateful, and direct your energy toward your desired mental/emotional state. 
• Staying for the cool down at the gym instead of lighting out of that HIIT class the minute you finish your final burpee. 
• Brushing your teeth, washing your face and brushing your hair before bed. 
• Making your bed so you have something inviting to crawl into at day's end, maybe even adding a little aromatherapy to your bedroom. 
• Finding movement that you love and prioritizing it — start with 10 minutes if you’re resistant and work up from there. 
• Paying attention to those “endless complaints” that always fall from your lips and making a proactive survival/escape plan, whatever that may look like, instead of giving in to despair. No, it may not happen overnight, reality speaks volumes, but ultimately, you have to find a way to deal with that toxic job or relationship — or it will slowly destroy you. 
• Listening to your body through mindful self-care practices like yoga, and working with your doctor to give it what it needs. Could a tart cherry supplement help ease your arthritis pain? Talk to your physician and mindfully experiment, paying attention to the changes, if any, you notice. 

Self-care should be a daily occurrence, not an occasional indulgence. I have countless mini self-care rituals I call upon at various points in the day, and yes, they do help when done mindfully, with purpose. No, they don’t instantly solve all of my problems, but they do help me center myself enough to make it through the stress of daily existence without feeling like a heavily armed porcupine ready to shoot barbs at minor annoyances. 

How Self-Care Can Be an Antidote for Narcissism

“You do self-care rituals all throughout the day? Like, oh, my god, you must be such a total narcissist.” That word gets thrown around an awful lot these days, so much so that many people forget it has a clinical, psychological meaning. It’s not just a fancy way of saying someone is a big, fat jerk. 

According to the Canadian Psychological Association, narcissism is a series of unhealthy strategies to cope with disappointments and threats to your positive self-image. It includes a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, success achieved by taking advantage of and manipulating others for personal gain, a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and arrogant, haughty behaviors toward others [1]. 

Read that first sentence again. Narcissism is an unhealthy coping strategy (one that, yes, usually does take the form of acting like a big, fat jerk). Narcissism is a lot like addiction in that aspect, and many addicts behave narcissistically, engaging in behaviors like stealing to obtain their substance of choice. How do you break an unhealthy addiction? You can do it cold turkey — or you can substitute a healthier activity to fill that empty space. Like self-care.

What’s a better use of your time? Indulging in an hour of restorative yoga or heading to the corner bar? Only one costs money, and only one risks a DUI charge, and it’s not talking to your mat. Furthermore, yoga may increase your GABA levels naturally, without the dreaded morning-after “hangxiety” that often accompanies a night of heavy drinking as your neurotransmitters rebalance themselves [2]. 

Furthermore, that hour of clarity you get from your practice — or spending an hour fishing or indulging in any of your favorite mindful, healthy hobbies — is worth far more than the wisdom of any barstool Socrates. You’ll have to trust me on that one. I’ve tried both approaches to dealing with bad relationships and financial stress. Drowning my sorrows in booze only ever led to more bad decisions (and relationships). Talking to my mat was curative. 

How Self-Care Can Prevent Narcissistic Tendencies From Taking Hold 

Self-care alone won’t cure those with full-blown narcissistic personality disorder. However, if there’s one thing that I wish every compartmentalized mind could understand, it’s that literally everything, every disease and every disorder, is on a spectrum. Just like one person can have arthritis and play pro ball while the next is utterly crippled by it, narcissistic traits also exist on a spectrum, and regular self-care can help the occasional slipup from becoming a pattern of harmful behavior. 

One way self-care helps with this is that it creates a safe space to cope with overpowering emotions. Remember, narcissism is an unhealthy coping strategy. Why do people engage in unhealthy coping strategies in the first place? It’s because they don’t know any other way to manage overwhelming feelings. 

Here’s the thing narcissists don’t understand: According to neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor, your emotions are a biochemical response over which you have little control — for the first 90 seconds only [3]. After that, how you feel is largely determined by your thoughts and actions, such as replaying scenes in your head or reinforcing negative interpretations with hurtful self-talk. 

I’ve personally tested this theory for the past six years or so, and I am utterly convinced of its validity. It’s a large part of why I recently quit social media, other than my YouTube channel, as I realized that, as much as I cherished my online connections, doom-scrolling was only feeding my negative thought cycle. 

When you talk to your mat or engage in other calming self-care rituals, you create a safe space for self-reflection. There’s no therapist making facial expressions that suggest you aren’t “reframing right.” You’re free to examine the good, the bad and the ugly without condemnation, allowing you to see your reality clearly. It can even lend insight on what to do if you don’t like what you see. 

You can also gain insight into other people’s behavior, which helps if relationship problems plague your mind. Notice I didn’t say “change other people’s behavior,” just “gain insight.” What you do with that insight is up to you. Remember, the only energy you can control is your own. Whether you decide to carry on the relationship as usual, keep certain people at arm’s length or sever ties completely is up to you — your self-care time is a chance to reflect on the right choice. 

Self-Care Is a Necessary Part of Being a Good Citizen 

What does it even mean to be a good human? Most people would probably mention things like not committing crimes and contributing to your community in some way. 

Think about the last part of that statement, “contributing to your community.” Can you pour anything out of an empty pitcher? No. 

Reality states that human beings must meet certain basic needs if they’re to function at all, let alone at their best. Healthy food, daily movement and exposure to nature, mindful activities like yoga and gardening, and fostering positive relationships aren’t the “fluff” of life. They are life, the very stuff of life, the gift we were given to celebrate. 

If you want to see what neglecting self-care looks like when played out in real life, I invite you to take a look at the current state of the United States. While I’ll refrain from making anything that could be interpreted as a political statement, I will say that as a culture, we have taken the idea of rugged individualism, relying only on yourself and refusing to build a strong social safety net to a very unhealthy extreme. As a result, people are working harder than ever, giving more than ever, and falling further and further behind because we’re all too gosh darn stressed from the constant rat race to give anything our best. 

I can’t make the nation collectively sit back, slow down, take a yoga class, and have a good, long look in the mirror. However, I can write these articles, guide classes, and encourage such behavior. And I can affirmatively state that yes, I blame much of our current divisiveness, anger, hostility, and tension on the fact that we are a people stressed out to the max and in desperate need of rest, reflection, and healing. 

However, I think we all can agree that we want to give more and do more when our own cups feel full. Many of our collective cups have run empty for so long. Self-care is one way to refill them, and the world deserves the best version of you. I know despite all I’ve been through, I still have faith humanity can pull off a Hail Mary and come to their senses. Imagine what we could collectively accomplish as a society if we all felt well-rested and well-fed instead of like so many piano wires pulled way too taut.

Self-Care is Not Narcissistic

Narcissism occurs when you have no healthy coping methods to deal with your negative feelings, so you take them out on everyone around you. Self-care may look like self-absorption, but it’s actually quite the opposite. It’s necessary self-optimization, so that you act as the best version of yourself when it counts. 

You wouldn’t expect an athlete to take to the field without training. Think of your daily self-care as a necessary warm-up for the game of life. 

Self-care is no more narcissistic than taking a vitamin is. Find the mindful rituals that make your life more rich and meaningful and indulge in these healthy activities free from guilt. 

References: 

[1] “Psychology Works” Fact Sheet, Narcissism. Canadian Psychological Association. February 20, 2025. Retrieved February 3, 2026, from: https://cpa.ca/psychology-works-fact-sheet-narcissism/ 

[2] “Impact of Yogic Practice on Brain Function, Memory, and Neuroplasticity.” The International Journal of Indian Psychology. November 3, 2025. Retrieved February 3, 2026, from: https://ijip.in/articles/memory-and-neuroplasticity/ 

[3] Travers, Mark. “A Psychologist Shares the ‘90 Second Rule’ to Survive Emotional Waves.” Forbes. March 12, 2025. Retrieved February 3, 2026, from: https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2025/03/10/a-psychologist-shares-the-90-second-rule-to-survive-emotional-waves/